... i am quite aimless

no direction. we walk. it doesn't matter why, where or how quickly. i'm just more afraid of standing still. so afraid of never growing. never changing. whether it be for the better or for the worst.

inconsistent

your innocence in inconsistent. sometimes you play the perfect angel and sometimes you play the flawed demon. which side of the coin is an act and which is really you?

current

enter the flow of the present; the current current; the stream that is now; the drip that is dropping.

... unfold

we shall see, then... how all of this nonsense is going to be. we will try... really hard... to ignore that tingle in the back of our throats and just push through this as "normal." whatever that means. we will build... and we will burn... and we will do it all because we are impatient and don't appreciate the suspense.

... this is an emergency.

important. immediate. don't look away and don't cop out. stop running from it. stop hiding from it. you can't use me as an escape anymore so you just write me off.

block me. don't answer my texts. or my calls. but it won't change the fact that i'm still there. i'll always be there.

surface

press your face against the surf and preface surface by melting free past its solidity

not the drummer of The Red Hot Chili Peppers: flee

run the fuck as fast as you can away from me you little chicken shit. i'd run too if i knew what i was up against. but the thing is that i don't really know... because i don't know just how far i can take this and how much i can keep up this pace. what i do know is... i'mma keep busting my ass until i fall.

and then i'm gonna get back up and start again.

belonging

i was longing for belonging to a string of identities forged not by me but by those who thought they knew me and i liked him, who they thought the knew more than i liked my real self

... all hail

the queen of everything from bubble gum to moon beams and sweetness beyong belief and the understanding that all of our hearts need and want and break a little bit for ever day and it's like all the cliches say...

love.

... flash

before my eyes? not really, because i can't see you, currently. you're gone and i'm staying in to think about things. mostly about how i want to be lonely without you. mostly about how i didn't go out with him because i don't want to be close to anyone in the way except you and no... i'm not afraid to say it out loud.

... widespread

far apart and too far away to touch. to connect. to somehow feel rested and assured that these feelings will still hold true for him tomorrow. scared that when it becomes less than convenient that the effort will be too great and we will drift further and further until no length of arms will spread that wide.

... click

my life was just a series of them. the keyboard, the mouse, the end of the phone calls. he breathed into me a series of fantasies i surrounded myself in completely.

i now find myself distanced and thankful that this one little sound doesn't control me anymore.

... model

the lines of her body were smooth, curved and disproportionate. examining her only made me sad to think that this thing, never being able to exist in nature, was what we wanted to convince ourselves was beautiful.

pane

pane of widowed window smashed broken glass crashed by flying rocks flung long ago in the throws of frustration.

... pane

of glass is what should come to mind but even though the spelling is different, this word only has one meaning for me. i wish to elevate myself to a higher plane of existence, thinking, being, loving, living breathing whatever but it won't happen.

there is too much pain in the way.

... purple

hints of purple collect under my eyes in the suitcases that have formed because my heart won't sleep every night we spend hours far away in a world where nothing exists except the love we know is real but can't seem to make tangible and there is always an excuse to stay all warm and fuzzy and completely trapped inside this world of fantasy but i swear i'm breaking out.

... locked

up tight. scared to write.

all of those things down that i have thought and felt that are now lost in the vaults of the past and in the eyes of the people who never really cared in the first place i look rather silly, dramatic and emotional.

i wanted to write them so i'd remember, but now i'm glad i didn't because i needed to forget.

... usual

big, black and boring. dull print that repeats the same speech patterns that drip from my lips with tired and redundant quotes from people a lot funnier and creative than myself. we regulars come in and always have our usuals and that bartender pours the drink without even asking anymore and i just don't like the predictability my life has become.

justice

Justice. Bring the crime. Bring the accused. Bring the injured. Bring the evidence. Bring your bias, and disregard the facts.

petal

petals of sorrow drip-drip orgastic. shudders and mutters that resemble sexual satisfaction, but convey a very different message.