oneword: inspired

watching what has been accomplished and the distance that has been covered in such a short amount of time. going from just talking about something to actually doing something about it...that right there is the stuff dreams are made of.

not being the person that is standing there trying to figure out how to take that giant leap of faith.

taking that first step, oh so fearlessly.

i've been paying attention. now its my turn. to jump. to leap. to fly.

Drops

Tear plops
The world stops
And my heart flops
When your face drops

Let's change these rain drops of sadness to joy drops of gladness.

As soon as everyone drops
Their excuses

oneword: drops

one by one as they hit the smooth surface, and you dare to step in. i let them hit my face, hoping that each one will pull me further and further from the daze that i have found myself living in. dwelling in. hoping with every splash that it will wash it all off of me. it has been there so long, that i am encrusted in it. everyday, i wake up a little more. i am finding myself closer and closer to being free from all of it. one drop at a time. i get closer.

oneword: brother

what a loaded word for me.

in short, the ideal to which i can't live up.

on the other hand, i'm not sure i want to.

oneword: storage

Not too long ago, I opened the torn-up duffle bag for the first time in ages.

I carefully pulled out old tights, ripped and frayed, unwrapped my last pair of point shoes, with a brown blood spot permanently stained into the pink satin. I unfolded leotards and leg warmers and sweaters. I leafed through an old book of notes, choreography, dance steps.

It all smelled musty, the years of stagnancy in my parents' basement emanating from every fiber. It all reeked of stillness, neglect.

I pulled that bag out of storage, not too long ago, and it's not going back. I might add a few new items to the mix, a few new skills, definitely a slew of new tricks.

I am stretching out stiff muscles. I am getting my blood flowing again, for real, for the first time in far too long. And even though my body might take a little while to rejuvenate, to become what it was and more, right now, my spirit-body is twirling and leaping for joy.

oneword: tofu

Just another thing I was told long ago, sold on the healthful, genuine goodness of this manmade food... So much of my existence lately is deciding whether or not to believe in the fairy-tales of my past--wanting so much for the utopia to be true, to believe that purity and perfection exist.

But maybe, just maybe, the utopia sold to me was the wrong one, if for no other reason than it was theirs, not mine.

I do not need over-processed, watered-down, let-me-protect-you-from-yourself nourishment any more. Expecting me to take you at your word--because you know how hard it can be and how bad it can get--doesn't nourish me; it is eating me from the inside out.

I'm just baffled it took me this long to discover the truth I should have known from the start.

(OH-eeee-oooo....KILLER TOFU)

oneword: pills

that pucker on her lips isn't there in hopes of a kiss. sour and slumped - no grind. and NO bump. she overfills her days so she can sleep through her nights and emotion overspills into her mind so she can justify her plight. she sits in her puddle of pity pool party excuses and i remember when i was the one spouting the stream of 'it's no use's.

oneword: options

i find that its never the options that stump me in life, its always the decision...and sticking with it. things are fluid, always moving and changing. i still sometimes question decisions that i made ten years ago, and where i would be if i had chosen differently. some of the decisions, made in the snap of a second, i am grateful that i made those decisions. one in particular was a little like jumping out of a plane. once it had been made and the words spoken, there was no going back. i had to trust in myself that i would locate my parachute in time so i didn't splat face first onto the ground. i feel like i just might be at the door looking at that long drop once again. and i am not so sure i trust myself these days.

oneword: options

I could clam up. I could crawl back into this hole of self-denial. I could listen to the voices of doubt and "reason" and stick it out. "Most people don't do something they really want until they're much older." What is that bullshit? I'm sorry. But I believe that I have more options than waiting until middle age to be happy.

oneword: pour

It's our nighttime conversations that spill into my daytime dreams.

I've drunkenly poured out my heart to you more than a couple of times now. Those texts that I laughed off and voicemails that I pretended I didn't leave?

All, so true.

I fear that I may be falling out of like and into the beginnings of that l-word that has eluded me for the past three years.

Please don't knock me off the table.

oneword: major

Decisions I made, years ago, combining elements of my interests and loves. I tried to create a logical pathway, to funnel my journey towards a contrived, institutionalized version of success. But the farther I traveled down that road, the farther I moved from my Self. My Spirit shriveled inside the supposedly stable participant in the economic machine.

And now, as I move away from this chosen path to the alternate reality, the real reality, I walk away from a steady paycheck, benefits, and retirement funds--into an unknown. I walk away from the "right" job and the "right" life, to something less predictable but more me.

Someday, I hope those majors, those decisions from long ago, will meld together into something new and magical. I hope they will still serve me, that they are not for naught.

Until then, I step forward, one move closer to my Truth.

oneword: latch

shutting out these insecuri-keys.

locking the door steadfastly behind me.

i turn and see your pale reflection, waiting to tackle me onto the couch and play with my hair.

breathe in. breathe out. in. out. in-out. inout.

done.

oneword: stack

new years resolutions. piled up hopeful and high with the promises of a better future than i may have let myself believe i was worthy of having.

here it goes. man up.

oneword: discreet

i have never been very good at being subtle. never. sneaky maybe, but not so much on being subtle.

i am even worse at picking up on subtleties. if someone is attempting to send out subtle signals...or even obvious ones...i miss them. not because i just don't want to see them, or because i am not paying attention. its more of a self doubt issue. i don't trust myself.

i'd love to correct that one day, but where would one begin to repair that sort of damage?

Oneword: Circuit

I'm fascinated that my mind hasn't exploded from the amount of information that's thrown at me each day. It's like playing a never ending game of catch. I'm sweating. And quickly, and quite inadvertently I'm now thinking of what medication I'd prescribe myself if this were indeed a problem. They've conditioned me quite well. They've created a circuit within my brain. One thing leads to another. You must narrow everything down, but not completely. You must keep this and that in mind. The circuit is still foreign to me, but I'm at the stage where my eyes are wide open and I can almost salivate upon command.

I can't wait
till I'm in complete control.

oneword: blinds

not really vertical. not really horizontal. this is not quite so cut and dry. more than friends, but a little less than lovers.

i am peeking through the cracks of the blinds to see what's really there, but i'm too afraid to wrench them apart and open myself to the possibility.

Oneword: Blinds

I stumbled upon your scattered site to browse. I stumbled along to read, but today I had the intention to write. I was going to mold the word, that oneword of the day into something that I wanted to write about. I was going to shape that piece of hard, store-bought clay into something that was soft, warm, and malleable. Today's word though, blinds... reminds me of a past beautiful morning. I refuse to not write about you. The blinds created a shadow upon our bodies as the sun shone through. The warm sun. The happy smiles ...the smiles. It feels like yesterday. Yet it was two years ago. A memory that won't leave. Funny how those work. I'll never forget that beautiful morning where we made the shadows beautiful and you made them into art.

oneword: lantern

light the way down these dark, haunted cooridors. hand me my freedom in light. show me the way the way to be brave, and soothe all of my fears. pave for me the way to let go. hold me so tightly engulfed by your heat. shine me to salvation, and poof. you'll be gone.

oneword: transmit

this frequency that i am on is a direct result of what is being emitted from every pore on my body. i feel a bit like i am drowning in every aspect of my life right now. i am just barely treading water in all directions to stay afloat.

i need to change my frequency and put something a little more positive out into the world. but at this moment i have not a clue as to how.

oneword: transmit

ET-phone-home me into a new universe.

Please?