oneword: suspend

hanging here in the uncertanty that is my life at the moment.
after months and months of it, i just can't handle it anymore.
nothing is moving, nothing is changing, except my stress level is growing.
i am not growing from this, and this is not a helpful experience.
i do not need a reminder that my family is just not there for me when i need them.
i do not need to wonder how i am going to pay my bills, again.
i keep revisiting this place. no matter how i manage to crawl out.
i always seem to fall right back into this blackhole.
i am stuck in this place where i do not seem to know anything about my life.
i certainly do not remember why i did it in the first place.