trying

and i sit here by myself ignoring the fire lit between my legs... trying to remember why i used to waste away here for hours at a time.

but it's all depressing now. half-assed and pretend for people unable to go out and make things stick in a world where people touch more than keyboards.

i get angry at myself when typing away to an IM window arouses me. like some sad and pathetic nerd perv trying to work it out one handed... making sure to listen for anyone trying to enter the room.

i am trying not to be so painfully aware of my lack of satisfaction. trying. trying. trying. so damn hard.