Thursday, June 26, 2008

oneword: pardon

i can forgive you for hitting us. for throwing things. for hurling my prized babydoll carriage over your head, smashing it against the ground because i forgot to clean my room. i can even forgive you for all the yelling. for all the times you scared me so bad, it was all i could do to stop myself from shaking, sitting alone in my room upstairs. for calling me a bitch when i was 13, because i asked you to turn down the volume on the TV at 6 AM.

i can forgive you for your actions, but not for the memories. not for the scars. and not for the fact that to this day, i can't look you in the eye without remembering all of this.

i know that you want to have a better relationship with me. but i am afraid of you.

i fear anger and conflict. and i can't help but blame you for that.

4 comments:

starz said...

wow.

purpletomatoes said...

ditto to what liz said.

spirit said...

can i double-ditto?

haze said...

sorry. i didn't mean to freak anyone out.

i guess this is the point where i can finally say i'm comfortable enough to get this shit out there.