present tense. less tense, actually. at least in regards to that thump thump. the here, the now... it pokes what was in the eye... and almost laughs while the past bleeds down the front of my shirt.
categorically speaking, i am much less of an idiot now. still an idiot, for sure... but not as urgently so.
the back then still stings, though. knocks me on my ass with how the pain can still feel like new. and yet it's strange; sort of comfortable. like visiting home even though you know living there again would kill you.
there are reflections of the past in the present. and questions about the present in the future. but the questions are just that - QUESTIONS - not fear. i trust the present to be what it is. and that is something the past could never give me.
one thing is for certain: i do not miss that fake, painful smile.
2 comments:
sigh. i love you.
The humble Ass is designed to be knocked into. Hence it does it so well.
And the smile I read about before was never fake. Maybe painful, and maybe sore. Always framed in honesty.
R
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