not the drummer of The Red Hot Chili Peppers: flee

run the fuck as fast as you can away from me you little chicken shit. i'd run too if i knew what i was up against. but the thing is that i don't really know... because i don't know just how far i can take this and how much i can keep up this pace. what i do know is... i'mma keep busting my ass until i fall.

and then i'm gonna get back up and start again.

belonging

i was longing for belonging to a string of identities forged not by me but by those who thought they knew me and i liked him, who they thought the knew more than i liked my real self

... all hail

the queen of everything from bubble gum to moon beams and sweetness beyong belief and the understanding that all of our hearts need and want and break a little bit for ever day and it's like all the cliches say...

love.

... flash

before my eyes? not really, because i can't see you, currently. you're gone and i'm staying in to think about things. mostly about how i want to be lonely without you. mostly about how i didn't go out with him because i don't want to be close to anyone in the way except you and no... i'm not afraid to say it out loud.

... widespread

far apart and too far away to touch. to connect. to somehow feel rested and assured that these feelings will still hold true for him tomorrow. scared that when it becomes less than convenient that the effort will be too great and we will drift further and further until no length of arms will spread that wide.

... click

my life was just a series of them. the keyboard, the mouse, the end of the phone calls. he breathed into me a series of fantasies i surrounded myself in completely.

i now find myself distanced and thankful that this one little sound doesn't control me anymore.

... model

the lines of her body were smooth, curved and disproportionate. examining her only made me sad to think that this thing, never being able to exist in nature, was what we wanted to convince ourselves was beautiful.