oneword: balloon

I used to be scared of balloons. Okay, not balloons themselves--not their floatiness or their celebratory power...but the sound of them popping. And the fear that they would. I was also scared of fireworks, fire engines (especially when Santa Claus rode through my neighborhood on one around Christmas), and thunder. Any loud noise, really. No matter how expected. See that's the thing. Most of the time...we see this stuff coming. And I chose to cower.

Thank God for the maturation of my ear drums.

oneword: depth

Strip yourself of unneeded layers, fill your lungs with air, close your eyes, and dive into the depths of your imaginings. Swim around in them. Flip, swirl, and roll. Open your eyes down there, watch how everything seems to blur and mold into a beautiful alternate reality. When you come up for air, remember what it looked like. Remember what it felt like. One day it will surface and you will thrive.

oneword: chained

After so much excitement, so much relief, so much truth telling and exploration, this ball and chain is still here. It is still digging into my flesh, even more so, and I wish more than ever that it didn't exist, that it never existed in the first place.

If only my wish could make it real. If only dreams coming true were that easy.

Turns out it's hard work, and the pretty, pastel picture I painted for my life--the one that is making me gag at the thought--is even harder to escape. This is going to take more effort than simply making a decision. It is going to take action. Follow-through. Faith that all if it is for the right outcome, the real right outcome.

Until I lose myself in that faith and that action, all at the same time, no time, and all the time, I will be chained to the nagging, splenda-sweetened, good life. The one I've spent so long convincing myself I should live.

oneword: detour

this is no detour. this is paying your dues. writing this paper is all i have to do. it's all i need to keep my on this path. to get to that place where i can do what i love all the time. i will try to stop complaining. i should be grateful that this is the only thing in my way. it's just a fucking paper.

oneword: fireflies

sometimes the music makes the words better.