oneword: discipline

go ahead, disciples. follow the line. it curves and breaks and cuts back and forth and while you have an idea as to where you are headed, there is no clue in sight that you'll actually get there.

oneword: discipline

correct me. punish me. whatever. i learned a long time ago that the best way to get along with you is to ignore you. your discipline held me back from finding out what the world is really like, from finding me. turns out i was hidden somewhere in the dark corner of that claustrophobic cage.

sometimes i hate myself when i am around you, because i never meet your expectations. i have tried to create a life for myself that stacks up to the frame you tried to shove me into.

and the really sad part is that i can't remember the last time you said you were proud of me.

instead, all i can recall are the things i've worked my ass off to forget.

oneword: few

i'm sure that someone out there would start off with "few people know how to love, how to be kind to one another, how to *insert your own fucking mindless cliche about how we are SUPPOSED to be*...."

but those reek with undertones of optimism. the hope that someone, somewhere out there has their shit together. and right now, i'd much rather tell you that too few people even ACT like people anymore...which makes me a hypocrite. because, yes, i am suggesting that there is still some good out there.

that's the problem with "few." you keep plugging along, hoping someone will change your mind.

oneword: few

few have really seen these words. read them. bothered to figure out what any of the vagueness is referring to. my underbelly is pink and plush, full of secret loves, hopes and dreams that i am too afraid to share with most. because most just blow them off.

maybe they are too scared too.

oneword: aisle

all eyes on me. step, together. step, together. "isn't this what you've wanted, what you've dreamed about your entire life?"

but his face is blank and i want to run. i am boxed in by their wall of smiles, pushed ever closer to a stranger who i am supposed to accept is the ONE.

the one time i inserted a face, a smiling, crying, happy groom...yes, all just an empty dream.

and the bells? they sound like a dirge.

oneword: plus

plus-sized, big fat bloated eyes ready for juicing, squeezing love and life and moments of gazing at me. reflections of intentions i have dance around those laugh lines you smirk away carelessly. you ask me how my song goes. truth is, i already knew the words... but not the melody. at least, not until you played it for me.

oneword: mystery

how is it that we are back here again? how is it that no matter how far i push or pull or bend or break, it all comes back to this. this same room. this same internet window. is this home? or is this just my holding pad? what is it that will finally stick? what is it that i have been waiting for?

oneword: chase

knew this guy. good egg, that one. lazy as the day is long. still. a good guy. he went and lost his mind on the drugs you know. chasing the dragon. said he could quit anytime. i told him to prove it but he only gave me that little smile. last time i saw him he was a cage. not jail. that would have been much better. he was in a cage being sold as a sex toy.

ghost

naked angels

i'm rearranging and i don't say anything anymore. remember when we used to rail and rant and rave against everything. we were rage before there was a machine. we lamented broken hearts, false smiles, and restrictions heaped upon us by "The Powers That Be."

remember?

and now, what? our jobs. new people. new places. it's hard to stay in touch, stay together, stay integrated, but we've tried because naked angels forever. but we're all on our own adventures now with everything that is not one another.

what do you say, angels? one last farewell ride? one last grand adventure?

this morning i sat watching the sun rise to my own beating heart.



ghost

attendance?

the computer that i am using @ work has this pink index card with "attendance?" written on it. it's there to remind the teacher that i am subbing for to turn in their attendance report for that day.

i thought it might make a good do-it-yourself oneword, since the site has had the same damn word up there for who knows how long. i'm going to start picking random words again because i'm getting restless.

so yeah. here goes: attendance?

are you going to be there? because i don't want to go if you aren't going. the thought of being alone over there with all of those people i don't know very well makes me nervous. i sometimes wonder how i would fair if i didn't have you to lean on in times likes this, and really feel as though you could be holding me back. but that comforts me in a sad sort of way because at least i know what i'm in for with you and me and the same idle chit chat we always have. not having to worry about the balance changing. not having to think on my toes. to actually get involved or risk something. just tell me you'll be there so i can just go into autopilot and live here in this cushy little situation i have built for myself. just tell me that you want to hide with me.

solo

solo. so low. my chest is bare from crawling on the ground. across the broken bottle shards of what was. across the ashes i can't seem to pull myself together enough to rise out of. i never really cared for the myth of the phoenix anyway.

funny how many "friends" you have when you're down in it. they say nice things, remind you to rise above, keep your chin up, give it time.

they are fools.

from brash beginning to the bitter end, we are all, each and every one of us, alone.



ghost

one word: solo

flying away, high and unevenly. one of my wings is broken. and i'm alone. but it doesn't take away from the fact that i am up in the air... soaring and free... even with all the pain.

oneword: blind

the pain is so bad i can't see. i can't see more than 5 minutes in front of me. what happens later on shouldn't be of a concern. can't be a concern. but you let it rule you like you can't see me.

oneword: create

Strike a note in the air, that the sound might be distinguishable from the noise. Whether order from chaos or chaos from order, the made is unmade. A single instant provides destruction’s utter destruction. It begins.

oneword: create

build me something pretty. that is dying on the inside. or something small. that is more important than anything twice its size. something that reminds you of how it used to be. even though you didn't like the way it used to be. something that gets you back to where you started. even if you don't know how it ends yet.

oneword: pure

purity of motion. dancing in denial. i am the aftermath of broken rings, failed trust. the pieces on the chess board are not supposed to change colors.

ghost

onewrod: blade

blade, man, you died as hard as you lived. i wasn't around, i had moved on, so far away from you, from that world. i used to joke that you would die with a fifth in one hand, a knife in the other, and a curse on your lips. the way i hear it though, you died in a puddle of your own filth, with nothing more than a moan and a pauper's plot to mark your passing existence.

ghost

oneword: tail

tale ends, tail spins, ice on the ground and a broken bottle. my blood mingles with the ice, and i am transported into a dali painting, abandoned inside a poem by robert frost. drowsy and alone. is it chemical induced isolation, or am i just sick of you all?


ghost

oneword: intricate

intricate. the pattern of our lives weaved, threaded, and spun together. even if a loose thread snags some sharp object and the momentum of our movement were to pull us undone, you will never truly be without my pattern so carefully and permanantly intertwined with your own. we would have to destroy ourselves to be free of the other.


ghost

sliver(s)

everytime you jump, you just know she's gonna catch you. leap, her arms fall to the side as you fall past and slam into the ground. you try to clean up the soul glass splinters, but like actual glass slivers you never really get them all and end up cutting your fingers on them time after time. after a while, you gather enough confidence to try again. everytime you jump, you just know she's going to catch you.

ghost