one word: grace

She emulates the stars, watching carefully and taking note of everything. Her hair and face have grown, engendering beauty that she had wished for long ago. She looked so beautiful and featured such grace as she wore that blue dress upon her day.

my my has she grown, and so has everyone else...

oneword: cupcake

Cupcake. Sweetie-pie. Baby. Beautiful. Hot-stuff. Darlin'.

An open letter to any guy in a bar, three sheets to the wind, looking to get laid:

Kind sir,

Please do not EVER use these names for me before ACTUALLY learning mine. And if our interaction happens to last longer than this hazy, drunken moment, tread lightly. The change-over will not be quick. This I can promise you.

Respectfully not yours,

The girl who hates pick-up lines and sleezy pet-names.

oneword: storm

These days have been heavy. So heavy that my body pushes the air away for a split second only to be smothered again a moment later. Heat and humidity stick to my skin. The tension builds so thick that the only option is for the air molecules to burst. They explode from the burden they've born for days, weeks, years. The sky screams. Anger and frustration crack through the air, on a mission to alleviate some of the pent-up aggression. Light streaks through the air, bent and uncertain. And then, moments after the madness began, the clouds clear and the day continues.

But somehow I don't believe the storm has truly passed.

oneword: trail

blaze.

Catching Up

oneword: forever

that word is always said entirely too early in relationships. its a little like a joke. i used to be this ridiculous hopeless romantic. i believed in what the movies had to say and truly felt it in my heart. but now, i'm not so sure about that. i'm here in the middle of love, and its nothing like that. they skip all of the day to day and the bickering, and being mad at someone for leaving their crap on the dresser. i guess in the last few years, i have become the hopeful romantic, hoping that it didn't die.

oneword: masterpiece

that is quite a situation you have worked yourself into. building it for months and not even knowing it was being built into this monsterous thing that might ruin you for the world. not standing up for who you are, what you believe, and those that love you in your life. that angry, bitter, disgusting, self loathing bubble trapping it all inside with you. thank god for starting to pop it.

oneword: grace

in certain situations, i actually possess that wonderful trait, but I would never in a millions years say that I was graceful. i can ease almost any argument depending on the outcome that needs to happen, and I can usually avoid drama. i would consider that graceful,but i would never consider myself graceful like a dancer. i am in awe of the grace that they possess and the beauty in their movements. i could never move like that.

oneword: forge

push on, move forward, no matter how hard, it is necessary for survival in the world. keep putting one foot in front of the other. keep growing and reaching outside your comfort zone. only there can you find who you really are and what you are really made of.

oneword: pardon

i beg your pardon for the being scared, and not living up to my true potential. i beg your pardon for the lies and secrets. i beg your pardon for not being able to stick up for myself or for you in the past. i beg your pardon for falling flat on my face all the times in the past that i have tried. i beg your pardon for the hurt i have caused. i beg your pardon for the self hating hell i put myself into. i beg your pardon for disappearing from the face of the planet. i beg you pardon for not being there when i should have been.

oneword: pardon

there is no excuse for your behavior. or mine. those 3 hours were so cliche... like when you let it slip that it felt like we were on cloud 9... and when i said that i felt like i was back in high school...

you could be the reason that i can't seem to find anyone who kisses the way that makes my toes curl.

and you were right when you said that i was leaving because i was scared... and now i wish that i had stayed.

because next time i won't be able to play innocent.
next time i won't be able to say that i just got caught up in the moment.

... next time i'll just be an idiot.

oneword: pardon

i can forgive you for hitting us. for throwing things. for hurling my prized babydoll carriage over your head, smashing it against the ground because i forgot to clean my room. i can even forgive you for all the yelling. for all the times you scared me so bad, it was all i could do to stop myself from shaking, sitting alone in my room upstairs. for calling me a bitch when i was 13, because i asked you to turn down the volume on the TV at 6 AM.

i can forgive you for your actions, but not for the memories. not for the scars. and not for the fact that to this day, i can't look you in the eye without remembering all of this.

i know that you want to have a better relationship with me. but i am afraid of you.

i fear anger and conflict. and i can't help but blame you for that.

oneword: pardon

Pardon me, but isn't my life my choice? Aren't the decisions I make and the paths I take mine and mine alone? I will not apologize for not fitting into your picture perfect view of what a 25-year-old white girl from CT should be. I will not conform to that ideal female role. I will not be anything but me. Furthermore, I will not beg pardon from anyone. Particularly from some someone who refuses to take the time to truly see my tangible spirit.

oneword: grace

I've had the good grace to be blessed with a body that works, a brain that works and a life that works ... sometimes.

God has blessed me with the grace to have a family that loves me, a woman that loves me and self that loves me ... sometimes.

Grace and blessings.

oneword: grace

Such a horrible place to fall from.

We try to walk the tightrope, weaving our dreams together with each passing step.

But something always seems to sever the cord. Our friends, our family, our fears, and random events we could never have seen coming. Accidents. Mistakes we predicted, but made anyway.

And now we are left to clamber back up that ladder. Our demons are chasing us at our heels, reaching to snatch away whatever strips of hope we are left wearing on our sleeves.

I pray every day that the next fall will be easier, and the ascent faster....it has to, because I know my armor won't protect me forever.

oneword: grace

Ballerina goes to class every day. She stretches, extends, challenges, tortures her muscles. Sweat drips from her tired pores, flings from her face as she chenee's across the floor, spinning, twirling, dizzying herself into a tizzy. Her lungs scream. Her feet ache. Sharp pains strike her nerves, reminding her of the injury that hasn't fully healed.

But she shows up every day, determined to become what she saw that first time she saw The Nutcracker. The ballerina that effortlessly demanded her attention--strong, competant, beautiful.

The embodiment of grace.

oneword: certainty

The thing I feel when I am with my family or when I am walking my dog along the Connecticut river at dusk. That space within me that reminds me there is enough love, inspiration, and adventure out there for everyone, and that I will have plenty of them all in my lifetime. Sometimes, though, this thing called certainty is hard to find. And it is in those moments that I falter.

oneword: forge

make it happen, girl. you are so close... and then you fall off the wagon. thank goodness for the people you surround yourself with. yeah you are among starz, but when are you gonna be one of them? when are you gonna let yourself shine by just doing the god damn work? every day. one little decision at a time. step. the FUCK. up.

oneword: forever

I stand at the edge, at the precipice of sanity, and stare into the dark depths of forever. My gaze searches in overdrive, throbbing with the questions unanswered. Desire pulses in my veins, pounding what-ifs through my body. I seek answers in a deep dark nothingness scattered with pinpricks of light.

oneword: masterpiece

The ultimate goal. And the ultimate roadblock. This heart yearns for greatness. It wants to say the brilliant, feel the important, see the real. It hopes to be honest, always.

And let's be honest. The biggest and brightest things are often mundane.

To me, the masterpiece is in simplicity, in the lovely normality that twirls around us each day.

oneword: forge

The grass rises above her head, curling over, creating an illusive archway. She looks up and through the slices between blades shines the cool, blue sheen of the midnight moon. It forges through the gaps, gently illuminating her forehead with a nighttime magic, an energy that glows constantly but is often overlooked. And somehow, everything feels natural, like it was meant to be, like it always was, like it will be throughout all time.

oneword: masterpiece

life.

the highs and lows,
fast and slow,
ready. set. go.

art.

the lines that twirl,
colors that swirl,
ancient portraits that bend and curl.

music.

the momentous sound,
with beats that pound,
tugging at our hearts from the underground.

life. art. music.
masterpiece.

oneword: forever

I look at them, that couple and this, and all are different. They kiss and ride as the popular metro saying suggests. The other fight and the tension reaches a new level. You and I... we're just different. A great different.

Forever is like having the golden key to you and everything about you, it's not a word you can throw around. I don't throw my words around. I like to think that my key is silver though.

oneword: forever

It's the biggest lie I've ever been told.

We've started using it to placate ourselves against our fear of loss. Rather than admit that our relationships may not actually persist, we always say that nothing will change, we'll always be together.

But time DOES pass, I don't have a good track record when it comes to maintaining, and I'm not altogether convinced that anything can really last forever.

I really would like for someone to be able to change my mind.

oneword: forever

Forever is a long time. It seems like just yesterday i was eight and he was on top of me. Now I'm 31 and i can't forget it, and I can't let it go.

I wish this were easier. I wish I could snap my fingers and say goodbye to it. But that's not how it works. The only way through it is through it.